so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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