We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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