I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
