yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
