I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
