i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
