I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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