p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
