I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
