I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
