Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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