The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I still have a little drunk in my system
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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