Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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