I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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