Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
