he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
