found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
