They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
