I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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