Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
