so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
