If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
