I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
