I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this will be a night to untag.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
