Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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