My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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