I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
