i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
