Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
