You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
not ubering you a puppy
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
