She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
