why didn't you poke me back
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
