Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
