dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
