and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You dont lie about slip and slides
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
