I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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