the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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