So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
