I have demons in me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
