College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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