It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
