the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
