I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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