Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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