My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
