help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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