there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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