Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
