It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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