she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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