giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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